¬_¬

Alright, let's play What Life Would Be Like If I Reviewed Films:

The Matrix Trilogy:

Neo (Keanu Reeves, looking more slackjawed than usual) saves the human race from the obtusely explained mental-net-socrates-prison world sort-of not really co-ruled by The Architect (Colenol Sanders) and the Oracle (some black lady we pulled off the street when the first one died. They all look the same, right?) Co-stars an increasingly ashamed Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus, and that chick that looks like Adrian Brody with tits as Trinity, the most contrived character since Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight. Also starring some mutants that od'ed on talcum powder as Dreadlocks the Clowns. Next on Starz.

Moulin Rouge:

Nicole Kidman, Ewan Macgregor and a cast of thousands star in Baz Luhrman's stunning visualization of what happens what happens when you shoot roughly 50,000 metric tonnes of glitter through a firehose. The contrived plotline about a hooker and a writer falling in love against the wishes of the hooker's pimp and her future obviously closeted husband wears thin at just about the point where Kidman leads the most bizarre dance in the history of white girls trying way to hard to be Bollywood. Everything turns out right in the end until in a twist specially written by M. Night Shyamalan, Kidman DIES OF THE CONSUMSHUNS. Or AIDS. Whatever. Unwarranted anachronism is the new historical accuracy in Moulin Rouge! Also starring John Lequizamo as a drugged-up midget. Yeah, I said it.

Amelie

Audrey Tautou and a charming ensemble cast play French retards in love. Amelie is a modern Parisienne who leads a life of fantasy and intrigue when she's not waitressing at a cafe, which is French for working slop at Denny's. Over the course of the film, she falls in love with a guy with Asperger's and a fetish for putting together torn up photobooth pictures. Connection? I think so. Hilarity ensues, and a gnome travels across the world! For some reason. Based on the chaotic scrawling found on the wall of Tautou's padded cell, and guest starring one person of colour.

Wayne's World

Mike Myers, Dana Carvey and Queen star in oh fuck it here's a copy of Mullet Slut 15 and a sock, have fun.

First off, this movie has a great soundtrack.

I don't really know what genre to label it as. It's SF in the sense that it's set in the future, but a lot of it resembles a war movie more than anything. It's kind of like a series of vignettes more than anything at the start... all in all, definitely a good film. Warning, though: it is very, very realistic; medically so, I'd go as far to say. Probably not a good date movie, unless you know the person really, really well.

On a completely unrelated note, I had really good pad thai today at that new asian place n old sac. Also, I used to have really good night vision- what the hell happened?

I probably should not have just seen this movie, but what can you do?

the pros:

Gorgeous choreography. the fight scenes were definitely enjoyable in that "hey guys, we just watched this anime" way.
Christian Bale. 'Nuff said.

the cons:

Let's have some blatant symbolism, shall we? Though the van having 23 on it was a nice touch. Mmm, discordianism.

All in all, it was enjoyable. The major problem I had with it is kind of unavoidable in a dystopian action flick; that being that pretty much everything in that genre, be it literary, cinematic or whatever, is 1984 with the names changed and maybe a couple plot points switch around.

There's also the fact that nobody who writes these things seems to realize that a perfect fascist state needs to be in a state of perpetual conflict, and therefore any fascist state worth it's salt that doesn't have a convenient ethnic group to blame things on would fund it's own underground/enemy. Especially with control over facts, money transfer histories, etc., like all these settings seem to have (It's dead easy, really).

So, has anyone else seen this?