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So this was going to be a transcription of a litany against everything about being gay that I hate, but that feels like it's played out. Three things:

-I walked kind of a lot today. about an hour and a half, all told.

-FUCK TEQUILA. OK NO SRSLY.

-I'm starting to see the results of my completely low-impact muscle-toning regimen in my abs. As in, I actually have them now.

Also, I took my first multivitamin in about five years today. I'd been talking about having a vitamin d deficiency, but I think i may have been underestimating, because about an hour after I took it I felt kind of afuckingmazing. I was alert and content and all sorts of good things; this being a striking contrast to how i was feeling beforehand (hungover and morose about having been a Depressing Donny the night before, and having forgotten to eat for two days).

So now of course, the idea has been bubbling in my head that perhaps the reason why I can get so crazy and weird sometimes is because I take such terrible care of my body.

A great example of this is the A. situation. we're not talking for a while, this was decided yesterday. A while is defined as about five days, because I expressed a desire to finally see what it's like to have a valentine- and yes it's terrible and shamelessly corporate, but know your enemy, right? So after he left yesterday I did the show and got increasingly depressed. Went to the merc, got more depressed. Ended up getting as close to emotional as I get after I got home and threw my (empty) guts out. Today, I felt great about it. The whole reason this thing was so appealing to me is that it was dating by zen. No effort, no expectation, everything just worked. And these last couple of weeks, I've been actually making an effort, which goes against the whole spirit of the arrangement.

So, I'm going to try dating by zen again and bolster it with better living through chemistry. We'll see how it goes.

tl;dr: vitamins are like really good drugs from nature and lead to you being satisfied with a logical arangement.